in the last few months, i hate everything and everyone. i don’t like 99% of the people i know. life is slowly becoming less and less appealing.

you call me when you’re bored. i listen. we kiss. we hold each other. you find someone else. i get forgotten. you guys break up, cycle starts all over again.

i’m getting tired of this. you tell me i make you happy. four years have passed, and i’m still madly in love with the same person. people call me pathetic for it. i probably am. it’s gotten to a point where i don’t care about a relationship, just having you around is enough. i really need to know if this is going anywhere. i need to know if i even mean anything more than just a friend or someone you hit up when you’re bored. it scares me; i would do anything for you, and it’s sad that you won’t do the same. it’s sad that you have me at the palm of your hand, and i know this, but i don’t do anything about it. i’m tired of just being your backslide. i don’t want that. i need to know. am i just wasting my time? please prove everyone wrong. i dare you.

i think i’ve lost my mind completely. all my teachers have notice, everyone has noticed. i’ve never felt so god damn alone. i’ve been lying to my psychiatrist about my feelings and tell her i’m handling everything fine. everyone does me dirty. i literally hate all my friends. i have no friends. i have people i spend time with but i have no friends. i’ve been having the urge to burn and cut again. everyone right now seems to be telling me complete bullshit. i’ve been on my own ever since i transferred out of Art and Design. i hate everyone in my school. everyone. no matter how close i am to someone, it’s like i’m invisible. i don’t belong there. i don’t belong anywhere. this isn’t a cry for help. i don’t want attention. all i want is a reset button or an exit sign.